


What You Make Of It

by kattale



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: First Time, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, mating games
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-13
Updated: 2013-06-13
Packaged: 2017-12-14 21:21:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/841524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kattale/pseuds/kattale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your first time is what you make of it.</p><p>After cutting ties with Beacon Hills to go to an early qualifying year at college, Stiles returns the next summer to face some demons, determined to reclaim the first time that was taken from him.</p><p>Challenge #1 of Mating Games</p>
            </blockquote>





	What You Make Of It

**Author's Note:**

> This was my entry #1 for the Teen Wolf Mating Games Challenge. All submissions required a limit of 750 words.
> 
> Challenge #1 was First Times/Last Times, with the stipulation that the First Time/Last Time cannot refer to a sexual act itself. I chose First Time - Consent (which sort of pushes the sexual act restriction, but in this context I think of consent as a human-rights/political/criminal issue, and an issue of self-determination, rather than a sexual act. 
> 
> This story is actually a snippet of a much longer story I had in my brain, of Stiles going away to an early qualifying year of uni without telling anyone, burning bridges after a brutal beating & rape at the end of S2. He does come back eventually, with Derek endgame, but in the original story this first-time scene actually took place with Danny, as a between friends thing, and it was a lot more light and playful. It was much later after that before Stiles was able to work through his anger at Scott, and face the budding relationship he might have had growing with Derek. There was magical ADHD sweater-knitting over the summer before he left, and a lovely Mary-Sue interlude at uni, as well. But only this snippet got re-worked into an actual submission. Really, the only reason that this snippet replaced Danny with Derek, is because the Danny friendship angle was a much better story, and just refused to pack down into 750 words.
> 
> Special thanks, again, to the hosts and mods of the Mating Games challenge for encouraging beginner and weak writers to stretch their skill. I <3 you guys!

It was only afterwards, when the sweat and the cum had been wiped away and they lay on Derek’s mattress side by side, arms brushing, that Stiles found his panic rising. He swallowed and furiously willed away the tears prickling his eyes. He could do this. “I lied, Derek.”

“I know.” Derek didn’t move, didn’t turn towards him, or away from him. 

“This wasn’t really my first time.” Stiles voice sounded closed off, even to himself. Derek was silent, letting him speak, so he dragged a deep breath in, and continued. “I know I said it was, when I asked you to do this for me.”

He swallowed. “There was this thing that happened. Before I left, before I went away to school…” He glanced at the man beside him. “I wasn’t running out on you. Or the pack. I just – I couldn’t deal with it. You probably thought - but it wasn’t about the wolf stuff. Not really.”

Derek rolled to face him. “You could have said you were going, Stiles. Eight fucking months.” His voice wasn’t angry, just gentle, and sad. “I.. the whole pack was devastated. You destroyed Scott. He shouldn’t have had to find out from your Dad after you’d gone.”

“Yeah, well maybe he’d have known, if he wasn’t so caught up in his own fucking after-school special all summer long.” Stiles tried to tamp down on the anger, but it crested in him, like water threatening to burst through a dam. “He knew I’d applied for a qualifying year. But he had patrols to run, stupid wolf wars to strategise – you guys were so wrapped up in your little wolf world… I went through HELL for your pack, and you didn’t even fucking notice!” He’d promised himself he wouldn’t lose it. Stiles scrabbled for his balled up t-shirt to scrub the snot and tears from his face.

“I was just so fucking pissed at you guys. At everything. Everything was just spiralling out of control. My fucking life.” Stiles sat up, clutching the sheet to his chest. “Nightmare after fucking nightmare. We almost drowned, Derek! I watched my Dad’s friends get gunned down and ripped apart. And Gerard… the hunters… what they did to me, in Allison’s basement…” Stiles broke down, sitting up in the bed and wrapping his arms around his knees, sobs breaking free. “I had no-one, Derek! No-one to tell. Scott was too distracted, the pack was busy. Melissa got me treatment, drove me to the next county for stitches. I had to beg her not to tell my dad, so your whole stupid wolf thing wouldn’t come out.”

Derek’s arms were around him now, and Stiles could feel wetness as he lay his cheek against Stile’s shoulder. His voice was almost a whisper. “I knew.”

Stiles tried to pull away, to turn, but Derek tightened his arms around him. “I’m so fucking sorry, Stiles. I knew. I could smell the bleeding, the semen… But you didn’t say anything – were so fucking strong. I don’t know why – I wanted to respect your privacy. I knew what it felt like. Maybe not the violence, but the feeling of being used, of being utterly helpless, no control over anything that was happening to you. I knew that shame, and I just – I couldn’t call you on it. I wanted to give you that.”

“I didn’t want privacy, Derek.” Stiles wanted to scream. “I wanted my pack. I needed you to just – read my mind or something. I don’t know. I needed to be cared for. Not fucking ignored, as if your huge werewolf drama was more important than anything I went through.”

“So you left. I - get that. But you came back?”

“Well, yeah. I wanted this.” Stiles twisted to face him, gesturing between them. “For the first time in my life, I could be in control of something. I refuse to cut myself off from sex and love, because... Those fuckers won't take that from me. I won't be broken.

“I decided to make my own first time. Even if it wasn’t my first sex – it's my first time CHOOSING. My first time being in control of what I want. So – thank you.”

“You knew I’d say yes.” Derek said softly.

Stiles moved to climb onto Derek’s lap, pulling him close until their foreheads pressed together. “Yeah, I knew. Knew when I was ready, you’d be here waiting.” He ground forward, lips and cocks pressing together with utter certainty.


End file.
